Feeling Reflective

I've had a weird feeling all day. Two years ago today was my first embryo transfer. I remember being very excited about the new year and hopeful that I would be a mom. I would go on to do a second IVF before realizing I had come to my personal end and had to change my life. So I got the ball rolling in 2015, but 2016 is where I really put in the hard work.

Now that it's officially over, I can look back at what all I did in the past year.

  1. Packed up or gave away everything we owned in an effort to downsize.
  2. Moved into a rental place half the square footage of our old house.
  3. Coordinated all the repainting, recarpeting, and repairs on the old house.
  4. Took one more prerequisite course for my school program.
  5. Put the old house on the market.
  6. Sold the old house (thankfully).
  7. Unpacked at the rental property (finally).
  8. Dog was diagnosed with cancer in August. Given 3 - 4 months to live.
  9. Registered for classes, bought books, etc. to get ready for school.
  10. Started school.
  11. Hated school.
  12. Started a blog.
  13. Didn't quit school.
  14. Finished the semester.
  15. Survived, and even enjoyed, the holidays.
  16. Dog is still alive and well. 
Basically, if I can say so myself, I kicked ass this year. It was freaking hard. And there was definitely a lot of blood, sweat, and tears. But I knew it had to be done. I knew I could not continue to live in my children's house if my children were never going to come. I needed a new career and I needed a new life. And no one could do it for me.

Dear God I'm glad all that is over...

2017 will be hard too. Full of schoolwork and projects and due dates and an impossible amount of reading assignments. But I can handle that. That's just school. No matter how much it sucks, it is not a traumatic experience.

So I'm feeling good. I'm feeling capable. I feel excited, and I feel thankful. I feel sad too. I often feel all of these things at once. It's okay. :)

Here's to a Happy New Year!

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