clair072

Happy Monday! 💜 Here's a writing prompt from Mali: Make a list of your personality traits  that can both help and hinder you  in the process of healing after infertility.  She shared her preliminary list  here.   (Note: That's the first time I inserted a link on my blog! 🏆  ) I love making lists so I'd like to try. :) Here are my initial ideas. First, using some of Mali's ideas: Like her, I don't like the feeling that I'm missing out.  HINDERS But also, I never thought "things happen for a reason."  HELPS Also like her, I am pragmatic. (I am extremely sensitive and I have a lot of feelings, but I am also very, very practical.)  HELPS And a few ideas of my own: I'm good at quitting things hahaha (in the past- things like jobs, school programs, and boyfriends that weren't working out).  HELPS I really like each stage of life and was looking forward to raising children through all of them. I always wanted to be a mother and had planned fo...

I went to my storage unit yesterday. I envisioned spending several hours there, going through things, and loading up a lot of stuff to give away. I lasted about an hour. 😄 But I made lists! And I have an action plan for next time. When we moved from our house to this rental property fifteen months ago, we cut our square footage in half. I gave away a lot of things but still had a lot of stuff I wanted to keep so we got a small storage unit. I could barely deal with everything on my plate back then (deep in grief, very sad about losing my children, very sad about losing life as I knew it). I just packed up all my baby stuff. I knew I would deal with it later. Last summer I cleaned out all of my paperwork and stuff from the fertility doctor. There was a lot of documentation! And you know what I ended up keeping? The pictures of my embryos. Everything else was shredded/recycled. I realized I didn't need any of it. But I only concluded this after going through every single piece of p...

I finished my semester, I'm on vacation, and I am Out. Of. It. So tired, so exhausted, so thankful, so content, but so completely done. Happy to be on vacation. When I first mentioned this trip idea several months ago to my husband, all I thought was I'll be done with school, it's my only break in the program, and we need to take a trip together if possible! Since MD (my abbreviation for today's "holiday") isn't ever on my mind, I didn't even realize I'd be out of town for this day. Last year for MD, I remember that I didn't even leave the house. It was a conscious decision. I didn't feel terrible but I didn't feel comfortable, so I just enjoyed a day at home, reading on the couch and eating pizza. It was fine. This year is awesome. Vacation is great and I really am cultivating a life that will work for me. It's not a complete solution. I still miss my kids. I thought coming on this vacation might make me glad I didn't have kids...

I finished final exams. I can't believe I just did another semester. My life is so different. 1.) from what I thought I'd be doing 2.) from what others my age are doing Going back to school wasn't even on my radar screen. I've already had a couple of different jobs/careers. I never thought I'd be back in graduate school learning about another one. I did finally say to my husband last night though that I think it's harder to go back to school when you're older. I've really been fighting that thought because I don't want it to be true. And there are a lot of aspects that are so much easier. When you're older you (hopefully) have less dumb drama in your life. You can manage time and demands and deadlines better. When you've been through any trauma like infertility, that can help keep the school stress in perspective. And often, you appreciate the opportunity to go back to school. But it's exhausting. I don't want to discourage anyone fro...